


we are not dating! who ever told you that?

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Embarrassment, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Secret Relationship, didn't proofread ladz, sorry dudes this is poorly written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 17:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18945496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Steve and Tony supposedly 'don't love each other and are totally not screwing'





	we are not dating! who ever told you that?

**Author's Note:**

> lads i didn't proofread cos we die as men

Anyone literally, anyone who had ever spent even a minute at the Avenger compound would call bullshit if someone said Steve and Tony weren't dating. Of course, how could anyone not think they were dating? They were always bickering like an old married couple, they spent so much time together in Tony's lab that it was suspicious and finally, they'd just be fucking  _domestic_ around each other. 

And if they thought nobody noticed then they were incredibly wrong. Literally, everyone had a hunch about Steve and Tony's relationship. It started off with a few theories like 'wait are they friends?', 'do they not hate each other anymore?' and then those became 'wait? are you telling Steve and Tony are secretly dating?' and those eventually turned into, 'yeah, they're fucking'. But every time they were asked if they were together or not, they'd just laugh and brush it off as if none of the theories were true.

But, oh, the others were going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing they were going to do.

"Sorry we're late, Cap here decided it'd be a good idea to take a _shortcut_." Tony pulled out a chair and sat himself down next to Steve who was also settling down.

Steve frowned and blushed a little. "Okay, how was I supposed to know there was going to be traffic? Besides, it took you long enough to get ready." He remarked with a smirk.

Tony furrowed his eyebrows and put a hand on his chest. "I took too long to get ready? You couldn't even pick out which pair of shoes to wear and you have like, five of the same pair! I waited for your ass for more than half an hour!"

"Oh really? Remember last week? The meeting we were supposed to have with Fury? You couldn't decide whether your hair looked better combed to the left or to the right!"

Natasha slammed a first on the table and the two men immediately shut up. Their bickering stopped and the just glanced at each other furiously. "Thank you, gentlemen," Natasha said, with the type of voice she uses when she wanted to threaten someone but not make it quite clear. "Now before we were rudely interrupted by this lovely old couple, I believe we were talking Menu plans."

This was all Natasha's idea. The whole 'let's go have dinner out as a team' because apparently, they didn't spend enough time together apart from on the battlefield. So they booked a fancy restaurant in the outskirts of town and decided to have a fancy meal. 

"Oh yeah, I was thinking I'd have...what's that long thing called again? Right! Pasta, I'll have one big plate of pasta, just pasta." Thor beamed and abstractly motioned with his hands. "Just plain pasta, not too hot or I'll burn my mouth. But also not too cold, that wouldn't taste right. I just want it to be the perfect temp-"

"Okay, okay, we get it thunder brain." Clint stopped him, rubbing at his forehead before Thor could go any further. He took a glance at the Menu and shrugged. "I guess I'll have garlic chicken."

"Isn't that kinda like cannibalism?" Thor narrowed his eyes and gave Clint a dirty look. When no one answered he elaborated on his remark. "You know, since Clint is a bird, and chickens are birds, it's cannibalism right?"

Everyone at the table was absolutely fucking done with Thor.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He fiddled with the menu in his hand, in hopes of coming to a decision. "I'll uh...I'll have a-"

"Black pepper and capsicums stir-fry." Steve interrupted. Tony looked at him with his mouth hung open widely.

"Excuse me, now you're copying me?" 

Steve frowned. "What do mean _I'm_ copying you?"

"Well, Cap ol' boy," Tony started, batting his eyelashes all innocently, I was just about to order the black pepper and capsicums stir-fry."

"Oh yeah? And what's stopping you?" Steve barked.

"What's stopping me?"

"Yeah, what's stopping you from ordering the black pepper and capsicums stir-fry?" 

Okay, they were arguing but they couldn't help but notice the slight smiles that they were trying to hide behind their comebacks and attacks. Despite being all rilled up, Steve and Tony were just seconds away from bursting out into laughter. The rest of the team were just looking at each other and shaking their heads.

Tony crossed his arms and got a little-but-not-really close to Steve's face. If they weren't dating, then no one knew what to call this. "What's stopping me from ordering the black pepper and capsicums stir-fry is the fact that you're ordering the black pepper and capsicums stir-fry."

"Guys! You can both order the black pepper and capsicums stir-fry!" Bruce whisper shouted from across the table, aware and mindful of all the other people in the restaurant. 

"Fine." Both Tony and Steve said, leaning back into their chairs like toddlers.

When everybody ordered their meals, there was a moment of idle chatting and discussion between the team as they waited for their food to be made. Steve and Tony were being very friendly to each other again were was fairly suspicious but the rest of the team was brushed that off. 

Eventually Tony got up to go to the bathroom. Which was totally normal, nothing wrong with going to the bathroom. But here's the weird part; a few minutes later, _Steve_ got up to go to the bathroom. And as soon as he left the table, the rest of them started conspiring again.

"I say they're screwing in the bathroom. Who wants to bet?" Clint placed at twenty dollar bill on the table. "Come on, it's pretty obvious that there's something going on between them."

Natasha smiled and shook her head. "I think they know that we know. But they're just pretending that they don't know we know."

"I say it's a sort of friends with benefits thing." Bruce pulled his wine glass to his lips and took a long hard sip.

Thor's face scrunched up at the sound of those three words. "Friends with benefits? So you're saying they're doing sexual favors for each other?"

"I mean why the hell not? Earlier on, they were just arguing about ordering the same meal and now they're both in the bathrooms together." The scientist added nonchalantly, at this point, there was no reason to be shocked.

"Another thing, don't you guys find it kinda weird how they came here together? And that thing Tony said earlier about waiting for Steve to get ready...you don't think they...spent last night together do you?" Clint cringed. He didn't want to think of that. That was an image he never wanted to have in his head. Ever.

Natasha shushed them quickly. "Guys, be quiet, they're back."

Steve sat down, looking a bit flustered. You could tell by the flush on his cheeks and the red on the tips of his nose. Tony, on the other hand, couldn't look more indifferent. Playing it cool again.

The billionaire cleared his throat and adjusted his tie while Steve smoothed out his hair.

Glances were exchanged and words were whispered. The tension between the whole table with as thick as glue.

"So...is the food ready?" Tony broke the silence, downcasting his eyes. 

And Thor being straightforward and obvious as he was couldn't keep in anymore and burst. "Are you two dating or not?"

Steve immediately went red and was just speechless. "W-what?"

"What he means is," Clint stepped into the conversation, not even bothering to make eye contact with the pair. "Are you two dating or not?"

"W-why would you think that?" Steve nervously tensed up and started looking at Tony. He was giving him that 'oh no I think we fucked up' look.

"Do you want us to make a list?" Natasha asked. Well, no really asked because she wasn't expecting an answer, she was gonna do it anyway. "First of all, you two always fight and make up like a married couple."

Thor added, "Then you guys always show up to events together, which is pretty suspicious if you ask me."

"You spend a lot of time together in the lab." Bruce sternly said.

"And just now, you guys literally just went to the bathroom together. And I don't know about anyone else here but that's giving me major 'they're obviously fucking and screwing' warning flags."

"Agreed." Everyone, save for Steve and Tony said.

Steve was just frozen. There was no getting out of this one anymore, there was no brushing anything off because their evidence was rock hard solid and kinda true. Which is why Tony just leaned over and pressed his lips onto Steve's. This made the Captain's heart race a thousand beats per minute because, hell, they just outed themselves. When Tony pulled back, Steve honestly expected some kind of reaction from the other but to his surprise, Natasha only said one thing. And she spoke for the other's as well, because honestly, they didn't care if they were together or not. They just needed to stop being so shy about it.

"Cool."

 


End file.
